


False Advertising

by combustiblelemon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M, coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-10 19:46:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/combustiblelemon/pseuds/combustiblelemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin sees an unusual advertisement on the specials board in front of his favorite coffee shop (for something that isn't actually on the menu).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of [this tumblr post](http://brolininthetardis.tumblr.com/post/51732496539/this-is-a-coffeeshop-au-screaming-to-be-brought).

  


"Today your barista is:

1\. HELLA FUCKING GAY

2\. DESPERATELY SINGLE

For your drink today, I recommend:

YOU GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER"

Remus tilted his head as he read the sign in front of the coffee shop, wondering whether or not the manager of the shop had noticed. It was a very... er... bold way to get dates, wasn't it? He looked in through the shop window and watched the barista for a moment, though from here, he couldn't tell if it was the same one as yesterday. Yesterday's had been gorgeous, even in that stupid hat and apron.

He watched the barista for another minute, trying to figure out whether or not it was the same guy, but the same posters in the window that were sort of hiding him out here were also sort of hiding the man in there. And anyways, it was wishful thinking, and he was being stupid, and he wasn't even brave enough to do that sort of thing anyways, and he really needed coffee before his next class either way, so what was he still doing out here? He pushed the door open and discovered, much to his delight, that the barista was the same one as yesterday. The man looked up when he heard the door open and smiled at him. 

"Hi! What can I get for you today?"

How was it that he was desperate enough to make that sign out front? Remus blinked twice before realizing he hadn't ordered yet.

"Um, a cafe mocha, please." 

Remus got a nod in response as the barista started working on his drink. He wished he was clever enough to come up with something to say, like… literally anything. That would have been better than just standing by the counter, watching him make the drink. It wasn't until the man was almost done that Remus worked up the nerve to say something.

"So, your boss didn't say anything about that sign out front?"

"What sign?" the barista (his name tag said Sirius) asked, putting the cup into a little cardboard sleeve and handing it over. 

"The specials board? The one that says, uh, that you're gay and, um, people should give you their numbers." 

Sirius visibly paled at that, his eyes going wide as he ducked under the counter and hurried outside to see if Remus was telling the truth. Remus turned to watch, but the posters in the window blocked his view. Sirius came back in a moment later, frowning and carrying the board folded up under his arm. Remus watched as he carried it into the kitchen, seeing him drop it before the door swung closed. He could hear a scuffle going on and Sirius shouting at someone who was trying to defend himself. He came out a little while later, followed closely by a pretty girl with red hair. 

"He was just trying to help, Sirius. You know he just wants to see you happy." 

"Shut it, Evans, or I'll change my mind about sticking you in there with him. And don't even think about letting him out yet. He needs time to think about what he's done." The girl rolled her eyes and went back into the kitchen. Sirius made a face at her while her back was turned before turning back to Remus. "Can you believe that? My best mate. I should kill him."

"He didn't, like.... announce it... for the first time ever, did he?" Remus asked, worried that maybe Sirius' friend had crossed a line with the specials board and that was why he was so angry. Sirius let out a snort and shook his head.

"No, he didn't. I don't go around advertising it on specials boards, but it's not a secret," Sirius said quietly, taking his hat off and running his fingers through his hair. "It's just obnoxious. The only reason James did it is because he wants me to spend more time out of _my_ flat, so he and Lily can fool around. And after I was nice enough to let him come live with me,so he can pretend that he's not completely reliant on mummy and daddy."

Remus couldn't help but smile. He was done with his drink, but he didn't want to leave just yet. "What did you do to him?"

"I locked him in the freezer. It only opens from the outside." Sirius grinned back at Remus, sticking his hat under the counter before pulling out a mug and starting a fresh drink. He passed it across the counter to Remus a moment later, looking mildly put out when he didn't take it. Remus stared blankly at the drink, wondering why Sirius had made him another without his asking and how he'd managed to draw a puppy in it. "You don't want it?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I just didn't want to ruin it," Remus said, reaching for the mug. He carefully picked it up, doing his best to keep it still as he inspected the coffee. "I've never seen anything like this before." 

"I don't usually do them in to go drinks, since the top is covering it anyways." Sirius grinned sheepishly, leaning against the counter as he watched Remus take a slow sip to try and preserve the shape of the dog. "But you're hanging out with me and you warned me about that stupid sign and I wanted to make you laugh. You don't have class or anything, do you?"

...Shit. Remus twisted around, looking for a clock somewhere in the shop so he wouldn't have to fish around in his coat pockets for his phone. "It started about 20 minutes ago." 

Sirius started laughing, making Remus laugh too. He was glad that there weren't many other people in the coffee shop and that no one was waiting for a drink, or he wouldn't have had the courage to stay here and skip class to talk to Sirius. 

"Did you at least get any numbers from your friend's advertisement?" Remus asked, hoping the answer would be no. Sirius reached under the counter and pulled out a little plastic trashcan, turning it over and spilling crumpled up receipts with phone numbers scribbled on them all over the counter. 

"It's not like finding a date is hard or anything. I'm just very selective about who I choose to go out with. For instance," he explained, "I would never date anyone who thinks that winking at strangers is a good idea, and every guy that gave me a number today winked at me. I thought they were just being weird. Well, that, or my hair looks especially good today." Remus bit his lip to keep from laughing as Sirius made a grand show of preening and fluffing his hair just so. 

"So what does it take to impress you, then?" Remus asked, hoping that Sirius wouldn't take him seriously. He had no idea if joking like this was actually okay with him, since he was more or less a total stranger, but they were having such a good time. Hopefully he wouldn't mind. 

Sirius grinned at him, leaning against the counter on his elbows, resting his chin on his hands. "I like it when guys make me laugh."

"Oh?" Remus lifted up his mug to finish what was left of his drink and to hide his reddening face. Sirius looked like he was about to start laughing again when a man that Remus assumed was Sirius' friend James came out of the kitchen and thumped him on the back of the head. Sirius rounded to look at Lily, who was putting out new sugar packets and refilling the bottles of milk and cream.

"What the fuck, Evans?"

"You can wrestle him back in there after the rush, okay?" Lily said, nodding towards the door. James looked terribly offended that his girlfriend was going to let Sirius do that again, but Sirius just let out a sigh and started looking for his hat under the counter.

Since it looked like the coffee shop would be busy for the time being, Remus thought it would be best to stop distracting Sirius from his work. He got up and picked his bag up off the floor, digging around for his wallet to pay for the second drink Sirius had given him. 

"Leaving? You know, you don't have to pay for the one I gave you. My treat." Sirius was smiling again, waving his hand as Remus tried to hand him the money. Remus stuttered out his thanks, dropping the money in the tip jar instead, making Sirius laugh again. He swung his bag over his shoulder and started making his way out of the shop through the crowd. He'd made it about halfway before he heard Sirius gasp.

"You're really not going to give me your name or your number?" 

Oh. Right. Remus felt his face going red again as he turned and headed back to the counter, staring at Sirius' hat so he could ignore the looks he was getting from Lily and James. When he made it back to the counter, Sirius took the hat off so Remus would have to look at him, grinning a bit stupidly when Remus finally did. Remus didn't have a receipt or anything to write with. It took Sirius a moment to notice that Remus was in distress, but when he finally did, he passed Remus his phone so he could add himself as a contact. When he handed the phone back, Sirius smiled at his name for a second before smiling at Remus himself. 

"See you around, then, Remus Lupin."

Remus had to bite his lip to keep from grinning too widely. He waved at Sirius (and James and Lily) as he headed out to make it to his next class on time. He'd only walked for a few minutes before he felt his phone buzzing. He pulled it out of his pocket, his brow furrowing in confusion at the unknown number. The message cleared up Remus' confusion the moment he read it. He burst out laughing, plopping himself down on a bench to keep from falling over. He saved the number under a new contact before looking back at the message and smiling.

Sirius: [ ;D ]


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After many successful texts, Remus and Sirius finally go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the support and the nice comments and messages. I sort of got carried away with the worldbuilding for this fic with @wigglecat and I have more ideas for it, so I'm gonna add a few more chapters! But I might be kind of slow to update it because work and stuff is eating my free time. And thank you @wigglecat for betaing it! <3

Sirius had gotten off of work almost thirty minutes ago, but here he was, still hanging out at the coffee shop. He'd taken his uniform off and had pulled a stool over, sprawling out over the counter and jiggling his leg as he watched James cleaning up. James was glad that the specials board had sort of worked, and that his best friend was interested in someone, but they hadn't actually gone out yet! And now, Sirius was here, pestering him while he waited for Remus to show up. 

"You could help a bit, you lazy sod," James complained, hitting Sirius over the head with a dish towel. Sirius shook his head, engaging James in a brief tug of war over the towel before letting go. 

"Can't! Took the hat off. And cleaning is good for you. Evans is going to make you clean more often than I do. Might as well get the practice in," Sirius said, laughing as James threw the towel at him. He was too nervous to sit still, so he got up to wipe the countertop. He and Remus were going on their first date (almost date?) as soon as Remus was done with classes, and Sirius was doing his best not to fidget too much in case he showed up earlier than expected.

"So where is this Remus fellow taking you tonight?" Since Sirius had given Lily a thorough interrogation when she started dating James, despite knowing her for nearly half his life, James only thought it was fair that he get to do the same to Remus! Sirius had argued that James had forfeited that right by making embarrassing advertisements at their workplace and that he hadn't even gotten to ask Lily anything until James brought her home. Since the Potters weren't around to supervise, it fell to him to ask what young Miss Evans's intentions were with his dearest friend. And anyways, Lily knew he was kidding and Remus didn't know James at all, and if James scared off the first cute boy Sirius'd had a date with in months, Sirius was going to force feed him all the expired leftovers in their fridge.

"We're going to get coffee and-"

James raised a brow, looking at Sirius, then around the coffee shop. "Coffee? He's not a very bright lad, is he?" Sirius heard the door open as he turned to fix James with his most withering look. James cheerfully ignored him as he waved hello to Remus. 

"Who's not bright?" Remus asked, looking mildly concerned as Sirius tried to leap over the counter, only to have to awkwardly roll over it when his foot got stuck. When he finally made it over the counter, Sirius threw his arms around Remus, resting his chin on Remus' shoulder. 

"He's being mean about you, Remus, darling," Sirius said, sticking out his tongue at the same time as James said "No one." Since Remus looked like he actually believed it, Sirius gave him light squeeze, quickly shaking his head. "I'm kidding. Shall we go?"

Remus nodded slowly, as though he wasn't really sure yet. "Actually, I was thinking about how dumb it was to ask you to get coffee. You're surrounded by coffee all day and-" He jerked back as Sirius covered his hand with his mouth.

"I like coffee, okay? If you wanna stay here, I can make coffee for you, but I was hoping you'd show me that coffee house you were telling me about, with the student art exhibits." Remus had mentioned having a painting in the student show and had been sending him excited texts all week. He'd invited him to come see it with him, but Sirius was afraid that Remus had heard James talking and didn't want to take him anymore. 

Feeling Remus smile against the palm of his hand was a reassuring sign, though. His friend nodded, a bit quicker this time, before gently nipping at his hand so he'd let go. "Let's go, then. But you have to promise not to laugh." 

Sirius held his hand over his heart, nodding solemnly as he tried desperately not to laugh. "I would never laugh." Remus didn't look convinced, but he took his hand anyways, gently tugging him towards the door. Sirius turned to wave goodbye to James, who was standing behind the counter, shaking his head as he watched his best friend leave. 

It turned out that the coffee house was a 10 minute walk from campus, and the student show wasn't the university's art students, but a private class that was doing a showing for their students in town. Sirius had been convinced that Remus was an art major, what with his long, delicate fingers and his freckles and a face like it could wear artsy type glasses, along with the piece in the art show, but no, Remus was taking Journalism. He'd refused to tell Sirius which piece was his until they had a chance to look at all of them, and they weren't even going to look until they'd finished their drinks. Sirius had never been particularly patient before, but he was glad that they had time to talk and get to know each other properly. 

While they had their drinks, Sirius finally got a chance to learn a little about Remus. He was 19 years old. He had grown up in London, but spent most of his summers is Wales, with his grandparents in their little cottage. He'd learned to roller skate in their living room in secret because his overprotective parents hadn't want him to learn in the park with the other kids. He didn't have any brothers or sisters, and he privately thought that it was because his parents had been so focused on coddling him that they'd forgot to have more children. College was really the first time he'd been away from family and it was the first time he'd ever had to share his room! His roommate was a nice guy named Frank, who was happy to share his sister's Netflix account with Remus. In return, Remus was always happy to share the snacks his mother sent him in her monthly care packages, so the two of them always had a movie night with Frank's girlfriend on the days the packages arrived. He also told him about feeling bad for spiders, since everyone was afraid of them, so he always caught them and took them outside, but he was deathly afraid of moths. When Sirius laughed about that, Remus balled up his napkin and threw it at his nose. "All right, then, your turn."

Sirius did not think his life was nearly as interesting as Remus Lupin's. He was turning 20 in a month. He had a younger brother who didn't like him very much anymore. He spent most of his childhood at boarding school, so being away from his parents wasn't anything new. They didn't like him very much either. He told him about James and how he'd run away from his family at 16 to live with James and his parents. He'd wanted to live with his favorite uncle, not wanting to impose on his best friend, but his uncle's health was failing and he'd asked Sirius to stay with friends, somewhere he could still be a kid. Alphard was adamant about Sirius remembering him as he was, not as a frail old man, waiting to die. He was still allowed to visit as often as he liked, of course, but Alphard wouldn't allow Sirius to spend the rest of his childhood tiptoeing around the house, surrounded by nurses and worrying about when Alphard's heart would finally give out. Despite not allowing Sirius to stay with him, Alphard had wanted to take care of him financially. He'd set up an account to pay through grad school, and when he died, Sirius found out he'd been named Alphard's sole heir.

It wasn't until he glanced up at Remus again, that Sirius realized he'd been sort of talking into his drink and gotten carried away, making Remus sad about his dead uncle. He quickly shook his head, giving Remus a nervous smile, hoping that he hadn't completely fucked their first date up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm not usually this morbid, I swear." 

"It's okay to be sad, you know?" Remus smiled sadly at Sirius, reaching across the table for his hand. Sirius let him take it, turning his hand over so he could lace their fingers together. He shook his head again, giving Remus' hand a light squeeze.

"I don't want to be sad. My uncle suffered for a long time and now he's not suffering anymore. And anyway, if he found out I was sad, he'd say I was being overdramatic and to stop it," he said, pouting slightly as he played with Remus' fingers. Remus chuckled softly, trying to curl his fingers over Sirius' again. 

"Then tell me something happy." 

"I have a fat little orange kitten." Sirius pulled his phone out of his pocket to show Remus the picture on his lock screen. "Her name is Boots." 

"But she doesn't have boots." Remus laughed, taking the phone to get a closer look. Sirius unlocked the phone to open up a folder of pictures to show his friend, scrolling through until he found the one he was looking for. The kitten's head was poking out of a pair of lace up boots by the front door of his flat. 

"She likes hiding in them. We lost her for nearly a day once and we found her asleep in one of Lily's wooly sheep boots when Lily put her foot back into it." Sirius was very fond of his cat. He hadn't thought himself a cat person until he found the little stray hiding in a box on the way home from school.

"Will I get to meet her?" Remus asked, smiling as he leaned against the table, resting on his elbows. Sirius pursed his lips, pretending to be deep in thought. 

"Well that depends, I suppose." 

"On what?" Sirius tried not to laugh as Remus huffed at him, looking very offended.

"Whether or not I get to look at the painting you brought me here to see!"

Remus' face went through several different emotions very quickly before turning red and settling on mildly embarrassed. Sirius thought he'd forgotten all about his painting, but Remus nodded and got up, reaching for Sirius' hand to tug him over to the student art display. He stopped him before he got close enough to read the information cards underneath, still clinging to his hand.

"You have to guess which one is mine, okay? The assignment was painting our favorite places," he said quietly, giving Sirius' hand a light squeeze. Sirius nodded, looking over each painting carefully. He didn't really know that much about Remus, but he hoped that he'd recognize his painting when he saw it. There were a few paintings of bedrooms and living rooms. Someone had painted a playground. Sirius almost guessed that Remus' painting was the one of the fanciest library he'd ever seen, until he saw the painting next to it. 

It was a painting of a small white cottage with an overgrown garden and a little head in a straw hat peeking over one of the bushes. Sirius turned to grin at Remus, tugging on his hand to get his attention before pointing at the painting. "That one. That's you, right? At your grandparents' house?" Remus nodded, beaming at Sirius as he led him closer to get a better look.

Sirius couldn't help but smile as he studied the painting, picturing a freckley little Remus in dungaree shorts and that silly hat, hiding among the flowers from his grandparents. "I bet you were really cute when you were little."

"Does that mean you don't think I'm cute now?" Remus asked, laughing as he elbowed Sirius in the ribs. Sirius laughed with him, shaking his head as he let Remus push him around a little. 

They spent a few more minutes admiring Remus' painting before moving to look at the rest of the class' work. There were a few that were technically better, but Sirius liked Remus' the best. He was the only one who'd thought to include himself in his work. They stayed until the baristas kicked them out to close the shop, linking arms as Sirius walked Remus back to his dorm. 

When they got to the door of his building, Sirius gave Remus his very best smarmy grin, waggling his eyebrows at him. "Pretty good for a first date?"

Remus chuckled softly, his ears going pink as he turned away from Sirius. "I don't think you're supposed to ask." 

Sirius laughed sheepishly, ducking his head as his own face flushed too. This was silly. He wasn't 12, there was no reason for both of them to have the giggles, especially since they weren't even drunk. 

Remus managed to compose himself first, surprising Sirius with a gentle kiss on the forehead. When Sirius looked up, hopeful for another kiss, Remus just laughed again and shook his head. 

"Good night, Sirius."

Sirius just waved like a dope as Remus went into his building, waiting around for a few moments after the door shut before wandering away in a daze. The feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket snapped him out of it.

Remus Lupin: [you're going to trip]

Remus Lupin: [do i have to walk you home?]

Remus Lupin: [cos then you'll try to walk me home again] 

Remus Lupin: [and we'll be stuck in a loop]

Sirius turned to look back at Remus' building, only to find Remus at one of the windows, waving at him. He laughed, blowing Remus a kiss before flapping his arms at him, motioning for him to go back inside. Remus stuck his tongue out at Sirius as he closed the window, pulling the shades down so Sirius couldn't see him anymore. Sirius let out a sigh, turning back to walk towards his own building when he felt his phone vibrate again. 

Remus Lupin: [good first date]

Remus Lupin: [don't trip :* ]


End file.
